Been kinda bumbling along recently, haven't gotten round to doing half the things I ought to. So tomorrow I need to make myself: write off for a certificate of investment from the NS&I, write a thank you note to Grandma, practice with my guitar and start drawing down some of the jewellery designs floating around my head. Labels: Life
I am my own worst enemy most of the time or rather the part of my brain that goes into magpie mode and gets distracted by shiny things is.
Y'know life is kinda good at the moment, things certainly seem clearer and more promising than they did when I was working at the school. Maybe it's the fact that I'd long convinced myself that although I wanted to play music or make jewellery I'd never be good in any creative occupation. Or maybe because that job was a soulcrushing and emotionally/mentally draining and suffocating atmosphere with very little of the things that interested me about computing in the first place. Perhaps one day I'll work that out but for now I'm content to be pretty fucking stable and enjoying the world :D.
posted by snowlight on 18:51
2 people spoke to me
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Things are good, looking forward to the end of the month when we've got Rick's birthday party at Karma (time to dress up as a gangster), Dr Butler's Hatstand Medicine band playing at Red House and NekroDrako doing a new release gig at the Grapes. Much awesome music I think you'll find. Almost as good although further in the future is the Dub Trio gig at Corp, someone thinks that dub/metal through a 22k rig sound amazing and I'm totally inclined to agree :D. Labels: Life
Kinda meandering at the moment although I've recently discovered that I have some more money stashed away and have decided to invest it in a lot of jewellery making tools and supplies. Or I will once I've got it transferred from the NS&I :).
Lifs is good, hope that yours are too friends *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 14:48
0 people spoke to me
Saturday, February 28, 2009
*blows some of the dust away* Labels: Life
Not touched this for a while have I. No particular reason, just haven't been in a blogging mood despite many interesting and varied things have happened in the last few months.
Anyway, life is pretty fucking awesome at the moment :D. Getting extremely interested in jewellery making and from the few books I've bought about starting techniques and tools needed show me that it isn't as difficult as I thought it might be. Just need to save up enough money to equip myself with the right tools and some basic materials and then I too can make jewellery, which should be fun as I'd much rather wear something I made myself than buy it and if all goes well I might even be able to make money off it. Crazy, no?.
S'about it really, *many hugs* to you all and extra for Andy :).
posted by snowlight on 19:06
0 people spoke to me
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Comedia. Maybe. Labels: Life
I'm informed that more than one seriously fine lady (I use that in an entirely honest sense) wants me. This freaks me the fuck out. I mean I haven't had sex for over 3 years and yet I somehow have 2 incredibly hot women who both apparently want my skinny body.
I'm feeling more than a wee bit terrified, I know I shouldn't but then you haven't met them yanno.
Quantum fluctuations what am I supposed to do?
posted by snowlight on 03:09
3 people spoke to me
Monday, August 18, 2008
So I hilariously found out that I haven't been paid any incapacity benefit at all in the past few months despite being eligible and having sent my sick notes in to them. It appears they were either lost in the post, someone has misplaced them in their desk drawers or they were used by the people inhabiting that office as nesting material. Which means I've now got about £300 to last me the rest of the month in terms of food and also pay rent etc. Hopefully this fuck up will be sorted out before then otherwise things will get unpleasant :|. On the up side it does mean I'll probably get a nice lump sum consisting of the last few months worth, meaning I can pay bills and get myself some new jeans. Labels: Life
Going to go and froth at the mouth a bit now and mutter about bloody eviscerations. Huzzah.
posted by snowlight on 12:06
0 people spoke to me
Friday, August 15, 2008
Things have been a bit confusing in my head for the past two weeks. I'm not completely sure why, been getting the feeling of losing my grasp on the world and I'm pretty sure I've been hallucinating again. Things at the edge of my vision or things that aren't where they seem. Annoying and a tad scary, I haven't dealt with it well either, retreated into myself again. Eh, my life it is fucked up as you say.
Anyway a recipe I promised did I not. I usually cook for 3 people so if you want to do this for more people you'll need to take that in mind. Also I tend to measure rice by eye so ymmv.
Ingredients:
1 bottle of Reggae Reggae sauce
1 tin of peeled plum tomatoes
1 lime
1 container of double cream
600g of chicken breast fillets (or meat of your choice)
450g of basmati rice (approx)
Olive oil (I favour a garlic infused oil myself)
2 - 4 bottles of beer (real ale is my favourite)
1 Naan bread (optional but always nice to have something to soak the sauce up in)
Preparation:
1 - Defrost the meat thoroughly if its been in the freezer and then trim.
2 - Cut the chicken into strips and then size as appropriate, I tend to go for a mix of thick and thin strips for variety.
3 - Grab y'sen a medium to large sized bowl and put the meat in.
4 - Time for marinading to begin, pour around half the bottle of Reggae Reggae sauce onto the meat and gently cover all the meat and rub the sauce in for around 10 minutes.
5 - After you've covered the meat and made sure all the tasty goodness is rubbed in, cover the bowl (not airtight) and put it in your fridge.
6 - Wait 24 hours.
7 - Almost time to start cooking but first there is a little more preparing to do. Grab a beer, pour gently into a pint glass and take a couple of well deserved gulps.
8 - Open the peeled plum tomatoes and put them in another bowl and using a sharp short bladed knife cut the tomatoes into chunks.
9 - Wash the lime and remove the ends and then cut it into eighths.
10 - Start heating some olive oil in a wok and wait for it to reach the right point for cooking.
11 - Gently throw the chicken into the hot oil and stir while making sure you sear all the meat.
12 - Next grab another beer and have another, you've earned it trooper. Now is time to put your tomatoes and limes in, bring to the boil and then simmer for about 10 - 15 minutes.
13 - Pour the cream into the wok and stir until it has mixed into the sauce completely completely, then pour more reggae reggae sauce in, use the rest of the bottle for total spiciness (warning may be very spicy). What I do at this point is simmer the sauce for another 30 minutes to reduce it a bit before putting the rice on. With this in mind put some music on and grab another beer ;).
14 - Grab a large saucepan and either measure out or pour the rice in by eye. Add freshly boiled water to about 3/4 the way up the pan and bring to the boil.
15 - Cooking your rice should take about 10 minutes or so, remember to keep stirring both the rice and sauce frequently.
16 - Put your Naan bread to warm in the oven.
17 - The rice is done, that be awesome. Take it off the boil and put it in a strainer before rinsing with more freshly boiled water.
18 - Dish up the rice and sauce, take the naan out of the oven, grab another beer and stuff your face, g'wan.
19 - Find someone else to do the washing up ;D.
Try it and get back to me on suggestions or improvements. Going to try four bean chilli next week so I need some vegetarian types for taste testing purposes, you know who you are. Applications to the usual places ;).
posted by snowlight on 13:15
0 people spoke to me
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Tis time to kick back and wait to see whether I get housing benefit now that I've given them the last evidence they needed. Things may be problematic if I don't :|. Labels: Life
Made some more nommy brownies today, I've got quite an addiction to them. Going to be cooking some tasty marinated jerked chicken in tomato, lime and cream sauce with lemon rice tonight. Still need to sort out some decent pans for the kitchen and buy some better cutlery and crockery. Guess that'll have to wait until I have some monies though.
Think I'll have a go at making some sort of four bean chilli, ought to try my hand at cooking tasty vegetarian food as not all my friends are meat eaters and it should be cheaper with no meat involved :).
Better go get started, om nom nom :D.
posted by snowlight on 19:36
0 people spoke to me
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Feeling a bit better, don't seem to be coughing up as much of my lungs today. On the other hand it feels like someone has filled my head with expanding foam :|. Labels: Life
Supposed to go out and buy tents for Shamania but that'll have to wait until tomorrow, hope I'm well enough to go. Still got a few more days to get better before tis time to go hang out in a field with loads of hippies in North Lancashire. And hopefully not have any full blown panic attacks during it.
Also quite loathing the idiot who set up our water and heating (who had the genius idea of feeding hot water through the radiators before sending it to the taps) and also the lack of a good cooling fan. Not a big fan of too much heat, gimme the snow :).
posted by snowlight on 12:41
0 people spoke to me
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Clippy has fucked off finally. Oh the joys of her tediously burbling inane chatter that never fucking stops, that and the incredibly patronising way she treats people always explaining everything or repeating them. Labels: Life
This bloody cold isn't helping things either, feel incredibly full of ming and a schizophrenic body temperature is irritating. Especially when it has been as scorchingly hot as it was today, my room has been a pretty much uninhabitable sauna for the past 8 hours. Think I'll be getting some sort of fan/cooling device otherwise things may be unbearable.
Going to fall over now, maybe sleep will happen.
posted by snowlight on 21:24
0 people spoke to me
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Forgot to mention that earlier this week we had the hilarity of some thieving scrotes nicking the metal toilet piping from the outhouse. Obviously they didn't know the toilets are still on mains water so I suspect they got a mighty soaking. Twas pretty ballsy though considering this happened between 9 and 11 in the morning. Labels: Life
I'm told by the landlady that this isn't the first time it has happened either. Must be a fairly decent way of making quick cashish if you don't mind being a thieving scrotefuck.
Played a lot of Guitar Hero 2, so much in fact that I'm going to have to stop playing for a day or two as the muscles in my hands are aching a lot.
Planning on going to Karma on friday, though I have to be at a medical examination at 9:25 on saturday morning and then the high powered tedium and irritation of clippy coming to visit. Joy :|.
Now to watch hours of archaoelogy in the form of Time Team, knowledge is fucking awesome yes. *hugs*
posted by snowlight on 22:05
0 people spoke to me
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Apparantly my hair is in dire need of french plaiting. Or so I've been convinced by people at the Tuesday Club barbeque today. Think we've found a ride to Shamania as well :). Labels: Life
posted by snowlight on 18:51
0 people spoke to me
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Today the house has been tidied and cleaned a little bit with me, rick and john sorting out the bathroom, kitchen and what was left by ex housemates. Me and rick bravely ventured into the fungus and mould ridden grotto that is the basement to get rid of all the microwaves and tvs left by ex housemates and a whole load of electronics that were inhabiting various corners of the house. Labels: Life
Managed to get rid of all the food which was out of date or gone, we filled three bin bags which is quite bad. Need to try and keep on top of people buying more than we need as the cupboards were full of half empty jars and bottles :|. I've decided that someone else can deal with the oozing horror, filth and possible beings from dark and twisted realms that may be inhabiting the area that is under the fridge, partly because it is grim but mostly because everyone else has lived here longer than me ;).
Off to the pub in a bit to drench my thirst with ale!
posted by snowlight on 20:37
0 people spoke to me
Friday, June 27, 2008
The BBC sound engineers seem to be obsessed with using the same piece of orchestral music in all their recent science/history documentaries and the Panorama chaps seem to be deeply in love with dubstep and Burial. Though not surprising as Burial is the music of alienation and fear.
Go here and see the gorgeous arts.
Now I'm off to venture into our fungus ridden basement to get all the microwaves that were dumped down there when the other moved in here. Woo :|.
posted by snowlight on 15:32
0 people spoke to me
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Just been to see the doctor about my resurgent GIMS thoughts and to get a piece of paper that says I'm not human enough to work yet. Labels: Life
Got a pretty busy day of hoovering, dusting and tidying what with the moving out in 5 days.
Dad sent me his old mobile which means I now have better camera power in my pockets and a back up music player in case my mp3 player batteries die when I'm out. Clippy sent me a letter which I haven't read due to not caring and yet another boring fucking picture of my sisters spawn. Still don't know what all the fuss is about, mainly because I'm of the opinion that Bill Hick's is right about children.
Time to hoover as I'm procastinating *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 10:46
0 people spoke to me
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Absinthe has happened... Labels: Life
Time for science ;).
posted by snowlight on 00:33
0 people spoke to me
Monday, June 16, 2008
I <3 cartograpy. Labels: Life
Lunch with Dora was good, calming and full of random talks which is rilly what ya need after trying to stamp down your panic attacks :).
Now I'm going to go dance to drum'n'bass in my room, laters *hugs*
posted by snowlight on 15:32
0 people spoke to me
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Had a quiet night last night, wasn't up to going out and drinking much. Mainly cause I'm running low on cash again and the benefits people seem to be taking an awful long time to sort things out. Got to ring them on monday as they've demanded proof of my financial woes, madness and benefit claim. The financial and madness I can do but I can't do anything about proof of claiming benefits as nobody has sent me anything to say yes, no or come in to be assessed. Labels: Life
I love paperwork...
Anyway, off to Peace in The Park in 30 minutes or so. Sitting in the sun listening to live reggae and ska with the promise of dirty dub and drum'n'bass in the dance tent. Should be fun :).
posted by snowlight on 12:55
0 people spoke to me
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Andy - My bad br'er ;). You'll probably be more annoyed at me after you see these awesome watches. Sorry ;) *hugs*.
Started packing up bits and pieces that I'm not using at the moment in my room. So far I've managed to pack up my CD collection, DVDs, PC games, PS2 games, DC games and most of the books I have here. I'm amazed I managed to fit all of them into a mere 5 boxes.
Still need to ring Matt and get him to come pick up the crap he left up here when he left. Though I fancy keeping hold of the sax and trumpet...
Hope things are good friends *many hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 15:50
0 people spoke to me
Monday, June 09, 2008
I want these now!
Mmmm, victorian clothing. Plus they'd be fantastic and fun to work into steampunk or cyberpunk type outfits with the right accessories.
But anything like that will have to wait until I have money saved up. S'pose I should phone the bank tomorrow and find out what that weird transfer of money was over the weekend. Need to get the fuzz trimmed off my braids too and see if I can find some scented oils to use to make it easier to work with them also, looks like another wander to Betty Tiger's.
Tis the little things that keep me going sometimes.
posted by snowlight on 22:18
1 people spoke to me
The UK is not a surveillance society, or so claim the Home Affairs Committee. I'm guessing these people haven't been out of the House of Commons in say the past 10 - 15 years. Maybe they didn't notice that we have the highest number of CCTV cameras in any country of the world and that despite being absolutely everywhere the statistics show that they seem to be of little use in solving crime. Perhaps they missed the new bills and amendments to various paliamentary acts that have been pushed through giving the government the right to read your emails, see what web sites you've been browsing (all web usage data has to be stored for a set period of time in case the government want to look at it fyi), phone calls are recorded and kept and next up is going to be the great white elephant of the biometric based ID card. Labels: Grrr, Life, Politics, Technology
To me all of that sounds like a surveillance society, you are being watched wherever you go and the government can easily check what you like looking at on the internet, who you've been talking to and when. All good fun isn't it, by the way if you haven't shouted at your MP to block ID cards you best get a move on. The government are really determined to ram this one through despite opposition from both the Lib Dems and Tories, IT experts from all over and to be honest anyone with half a brain. Otherwise we're looking at forking out upwards of £12 billion for something that will be obsolete as soon as it comes out and is of almost no use whatsoever to the citizens.
Now that stuff is out of the way, tis time to talk about the weekend. Went to the South Yorkshire Gay Pride thing on saturday and all I can say is it was pretty fabulous and gay. To be honest I'm not fond of gay scene type people (mainly because they are so predictable and boring) and frankly the majority of the live music was arse apart from Bison, Nazdrove and the Ejaculators. I decided to leave before all the fuckheads turned up and it started getting messy, I've really gone off hanging out near people on drugs. Actually that isn't quite correct, I don't mind people having a couple of pills and smoking weed. What I am sick of is having dealing with cretins who think that the only way to have fun on a night out is to stuff loads of pills into your face, drink until you are almost paralytic and snorting enough ketamine (horse tranquilisers, nice) to turn you into a drooling idiot for hours on end. Especially when you know this is horribly self-destructive but they won't listen because they think that it is hardcore and awesome. No it isn't, fuckwits.
Did have a good evening last night, Dora popped over to use the internets and we hung out for a few hours talking about all sorts of stuff. Twas good fun :).
Feeling pretty apathetic today and a little bit down, not entirely sure why. Could be linked to the fact that my sleep patterns are starting to slip again :|. Though I have been fairly upbeat recently so maybe tis time for my mood to cycle back down a bit.
Going to try and beat it by filling my face with lovely tea and watching lots of documentaries, wish me luck.
*hugs* for Andy and Dora and I guess for all ;).
posted by snowlight on 11:48
0 people spoke to me
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Been out with Skrys tonight mourning his departure from Sheffield to Lincoln-ways. Tis going to be bad losing him, a close friend and a fantastic musician with a deep geeky side. A real fucking damn shame, tis even worse that some people have chosen to absent themselves, not going to name names but I as a gentleman am sorely and deeeply personally disappointed by their conduct. You don't do this kind of thing to people you call your friends... Labels: Life
Nuff said.
posted by snowlight on 00:27
0 people spoke to me
Sunday, June 01, 2008
Met with my br'er earlier, made this entire weekend worthwhile :). Labels: Life
Also found a crazy piece of history just left in my room, going to try and claim it and get pictures up on t'interweb tomorrow. I'm being secretive I know but :P. Think I'll spend the rest of the evening with some drum'n'bass and philosophy.
*many hugs* my friends, hope th'art all good :).
posted by snowlight on 19:17
0 people spoke to me
Friday, May 30, 2008
Valium makes wales much easier to deal with. Just wish the doctors would give me a prescription for when I have the panicking madness instead of having to resort to other channels. Labels: Life
Hmmmm.
posted by snowlight on 19:00
0 people spoke to me
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Somehow I managed to make it through the city and back on my own without having a massive panic attack and being constantly on the verge of tears. The question is whether this is a one off or a sign of improvement... Labels: Life
posted by snowlight on 00:27
0 people spoke to me
Sunday, May 25, 2008
It's metal singing time here ;). Labels: Life
You should start reading here.
Going back to Wales for a few days next weekend, got some bits to take back that I don't need at home. I suspect my hair is going to make this interesting...
posted by snowlight on 20:25
0 people spoke to me
Friday, May 23, 2008
Some links for the day.
HR Giger designed bar in switzerland.
Awesome elf ear body modification.
The home of the graph meme.This one makes me giggle a lot.
Yomped to hillsborough today for my therapy. It was good, come away with quite a few things to think about and ponder. Quite tired now though, I'm pretty out of shape, I need to be walking more obviously. Wish my housemates weren't too fickle, feckless and downright lazy so that they'd come with me >:|.
posted by snowlight on 15:18
0 people spoke to me
Thursday, May 22, 2008
On a metal kick at the moment, want to mosh violently but doing so on my own is sad and boring. Labels: Life
posted by snowlight on 22:41
0 people spoke to me
I bought this book, tis most amusing and interesting to read of the deep streak of eccentricities, villainy and madness stretching through prominent and not so prominent figures in british history. Top hole old bean. Labels: Life
Other than that I'm a bit down, going to try and curb the misery with some hardcore snoozing action. Take care friends *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 00:25
0 people spoke to me
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Off to get my hair done ^_^. Labels: Life
posted by snowlight on 08:58
0 people spoke to me
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Cup of Brown Joy. Don't ponder the name just watch and agree, yes. Labels: Life
Therapy happened today, talked about coping strategies and a hierarchy of problems. This multi-pointed approach seems a lot more interesting as a form of therapy than what I've seen in the past, who knows it may even work ;P.
Also soon there will be awesome hair, will have to go back to wales and take bits back and freak the family out with it. Maybe I can induce a coronary in someone *sighs dreamily*.
posted by snowlight on 01:02
0 people spoke to me
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
I think I might be made of fail. Spent the past few days asleep more or less after I passed out saturday. Getting a bit disassociated and depersonalised atm, not entirely sure I'm human sometimes... Labels: Life
I think I need to get out of the house and sit at a pub for a bit drinking and talking.
I have a therapy session next friday, still not entirely certain that it'll be any help but I may as well try. Probably ought to sign on as well.
Still tired y'know.
posted by snowlight on 21:08
2 people spoke to me
Monday, April 21, 2008
Appointment with the mental health people in less than 8 hours. Fuck knows if I'll manage to wake up on time and get to the appointment, I've been sleeping through all my alarms recently. And if I miss it I'll be waiting yet another 2 bloody months or more until I'll have the chance to see them. Labels: Life
Please body, stop being so fucked up. That goes for you too mind.
I'm off to lie in bed and try to relax and sleep, not very hopeful :|.
posted by snowlight on 01:52
0 people spoke to me
Sunday, April 20, 2008
I think I remembered things today. Mainly to do with me being a massive twunt and not seeing people I should do. Labels: Life
This must change naturally, I need to see my br'er more because I've not seen him for way too fucking long, this must change, I expect to be going to Manchester in the next few weeks :).
Stay lovely my friends and I in the meantime will try to stay... on planet ;).
*many hugs*
posted by snowlight on 03:34
0 people spoke to me
Friday, April 04, 2008
Food and talk is good :). Labels: Life
Gots new houses to view tomorrow, one of which is a 3 bedroom flat on the main road which could be handy for everything as long as it is decently sound proofed. Also tis just round the corner from the botanical gardens which would be awesome in the summer.
Anyway in other news my sleep pattern has moved to 7am - 3pm which is frustrating for me as I keep missing most of the day. So far all attempts from sleeping meds to switching off early haven't worked. Bah. Only a couple of weeks til my appointment with the community mental health team though which hopefully should help. Have to go right across the city for it though :|.
I'm off to watch more Babylon 5 and drink in the hopes of sleep. Take care friends *many hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 23:34
0 people spoke to me
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Damn you Mr Ellis, oh internet swami and perverted love-child god of the Internets and madness. Labels: Life
posted by snowlight on 04:04
0 people spoke to me
Just had 808 posts, if you get it you knows what I mean homes. Except mopping doesn't involve karate, beer, dance music and madness. Just madness and dancing, also I lost a skull and rose bandanna if you find it (unlikely) prod me my loves. Labels: Life
posted by snowlight on 03:39
0 people spoke to me
Thursday, March 27, 2008
There's an emptiness and misery inside me I just can't get rid of. Nothing fills it up, not music, games, documentaries, reading, people, eating, drinking, drugs. Nothing.
Many days I wish my life wasn't like this :|.
posted by snowlight on 23:11
0 people spoke to me
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Sometimes I'm not sure if this world is completely real or just something I made up to torture myself with. Confusing... Labels: Life
Also I found a cool quote t'other day: "Life is what happens to you between failures". Sorta encapsulates a lot of my life.
posted by snowlight on 15:58
0 people spoke to me
Thursday, February 28, 2008
I am told my dancing has rhythm, I am complimented indeed :D. Labels: Life
Move to the music, seriously.
Also off to Wales in a few hours, being officially dimissed next from work week. Back from Italy soon ya.
posted by snowlight on 00:25
0 people spoke to me
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Dancing is good, although tis not as much fun with ladies bf's being there. Crazy german couple who obsessed over my cyberdog top were fun. Quite bored being at home now :|. Labels: Life
posted by snowlight on 03:23
0 people spoke to me
Friday, February 15, 2008
Gah, damn my hoousemates for not turning the heating on when they go to work. Almost so cold as to make me not want to get out of bed. On the other hand I need a more nornal sleep cycle and it might help to make me function better. Just have to try and get rid of my suicidal thoughts and compulsions I get when outside the house, nothing so much fun as the sudden urge to run out and make close friends with that oncoming bus. Which explains why I'm not comfortable with leaving the house anymore other than when I'm around or soon going to be with friends. Labels: Life
It sucks but I'm told its better than dancing in traffic. I have to admit that at this moment I'm not sure and it is quietly scary. Hopefully my increased medication and the zopiclone can help my head be more worky and less broken 'n' hurty, gotta wait and see.
Anyway going to try and go out again this weekend to Corp and maybe, just maybe dance with hot women and talk to them, hopefully without too much blushing on my part.
Fs feeling dozy again now. Looks like its time for a little lie down, take care my friend *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 09:48
2 people spoke to me
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Aaaahhhh. Labels: Life
Sweet psych/folk/you can't pigeonhole this. Lovely.
Now sleep, I hope.
posted by snowlight on 03:55
1 people spoke to me
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Fucksake. Had a whole 2 hours sleep and that was only due to being a bit drunk. Fuck all else to do here, gah :|. Labels: Life
Bored now...
*sighs*
Guess I'll be awake now until about 2am tomorrow, yay.
posted by snowlight on 04:47
0 people spoke to me
Friday, February 01, 2008
So, off to Wales in a few hours. Joy. At least I shouldn't face too much hassle this time due to my recently manifested head-wrongs. Though if they try to get me to move back I may lose it altogether to be honest. Labels: Life
Oh yes almost forgot, I'm being dismissed for reasons of ill health. Rock on.
Take care my friends *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 02:23
0 people spoke to me
Monday, January 28, 2008
So...
Got the Doctors at 9:20 and my stomach is already roiling with fear and misery induced nausea. I'm not a big fan of doctors when I'm depressed, always so paranoid of them and what they are likely to say to me. I'm always terrified that they'll ignore me or insist there isn't anything wrong. Gah.
Gotta psyche myself up a bit. Be strong O, you only have to leave your comfort zone for a few minutes and they aren't likely to dismiss you offhand... I hope.
*sighs*
posted by snowlight on 08:28
0 people spoke to me
Sunday, January 27, 2008
*hugs* Labels: Life
Last night proved that despite being massively depressed and miserable as sin I can still manage to have some fun. So thanks to all of my awesome friends :) *many many hugs*
posted by snowlight on 16:05
1 people spoke to me
Friday, January 25, 2008
So I had another breakdown this morning with the crying, uncontrollable shaking and inability to cope with my existence. It just seems to keep getting worse each time it happens and I'm tired of it, I can't see why I fight this when it just repeats itself.
I just want this to stop...
posted by snowlight on 18:03
0 people spoke to me
Thursday, January 24, 2008
I appear to have blacked out at some point around 5 this morning and been in a comaesque state all day. Still feeling tired though I doubt I'll be able to sleep tonight...
Doctors appointment on monday though so I'll be able to get the happy drugs to stick in my face to try and make it less likely that I'll off myself or start cutting some more. Yay, I think. Not a big fan of being on medication as whenever I come off it things inevitably tend to go downhill again, sometimes slowly and subtly and sometimes a chasm just opens and I fall straight back down. This would probably indicate (to me at least) that I'm one of those people who should permanently be medicated to the gills. Joy.
Wonder if I'll get a bollocking tomorrow at work. Probably.
*hugs*
posted by snowlight on 17:23
0 people spoke to me
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Well I managed to get all of half an hours sleep early this morning. Woo yeah... *sighs*. Made it to the doctors to register and I have some forms to fill in and drop off tomorrow, going to have to go into work late to do so as they shut at 4pm on thursday, hopefully I can push for an emergency appointment when I hand them in. The rather stupid thing I did yesterday before I gave my knives to Rick for safe-keeping might provide something of an swing factor for that happening...
I'm not proud of it but neither am I ashamed, in the state of mind I was in I honestly couldn't see any other recourse to bring myself some brief respite from the crushing bleakness and misery other than to self-harm... Fucking hate this shit :|.
Anyway, was feeling quite tired and yawning a lot earlier so I decided that this could be my chance to sleep and leapt on it. Of course this being me as soon as I climbed into bed and started to get comfortable I immediately was wide awake again :|. Over 80 hours and counting with a mere half hour of unrefreshing rest, yay. Oddly though I'm not hallucinating as much as I expected or in fact as brainfucked as I should be, not sure if I should be very worried about that or accept it because generally not having REM sleep makes your brain go a bit loopy. Having said that I'm plenty loopy enough as it is so I don't know whether I'd notice the difference. Bah.
*hugs*
posted by snowlight on 23:30
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Monday, January 21, 2008
I've now been awake for 33 hours and I'm not feeling tired at all, now couple this with the mania thats been kicking in since early this morning and I'm thinking I may be in for a fully fledged force 10 headfuck. I just hope I can hold it off through cussedness until after my birthday, I'd like to enjoy that before everything becomes a lot more twisted.
I probably sound far too resigned about this but what else am I gonna do, panicking and freaking out about it won't be of any use to me.
I'm scaring me...
Enough o' that drivel though.
We should all Wear Science. Do it.
*many many hugs* for Dora and *many hugs* for Andy. Take care everyone.
posted by snowlight on 17:57
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Sunday, January 20, 2008
j0 and suchlike. Labels: Life
Had a bit of a crazybad week but then it was made awesome tonight. Went to Corp with the lovely D and met up with N there and spent a while dancing. Also, I'm not used to being stopped on the stairs by such total hotties who've been dancing with/near me asking me why I'm leaving. Hrrrmmm.
Obviously since amma fool I forgot to acquire phone numbers or give them out. Fsck, as polite people would say. But since I'm not polite I'll say ohfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckidyfuckatry, why do I always flid this kind of thing up. Hnnn, maybe I'll see her next weekend...
Fucking hope so yanno...
posted by snowlight on 02:59
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Saturday, January 19, 2008
<3 Jesu for creating such dirty grinding bass and haunting melodies. It soothes my hateful and bitter soul a little... Labels: Life
If th'art disbeliever, download some and feel the power.
posted by snowlight on 00:36
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Monday, January 07, 2008
Ah the first enjoyable and fun productive day of work... I'd break into hysterical laughter but I guess you are already expecting that kind of response. Smeh. A nice bout of hysteria always helps to break up the monotony of a day filled with bleak, barbed thoughts and confusion. Tis awesome yanno. Think I should go see a doctor soon maybe. Labels: Life
Anyhows, feeling a bit better now I'm back home. Currently hunting through my film collection for an old black and white french film but I've got a horrible feeling that all I have are films from the 70s/80s onwards. Obviously this won't do and I have to go and add lots of films to my rental list in a few minutes ;).
Tonight I'm going to play some moar FFXII and try to calm myself down. Hope you are all okay friends *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 17:04
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Thursday, January 03, 2008
I was going to try and put something well written and meaningful about the state of my brainmeats here but I can't even seem to summon the power of the english language to my fingers. Guess this is going to be another of those days where that doesn't happen, as they all seem to be recently :|. Labels: Life
I want to write with aching simplicity and clarity about what I'm feeling or how I perceive this mixed up and twisted slice of the universe I inhabit but I can never put what is in my head into words. That or whenever I come up with a beautiful phrase or way of describing anything my brain skips off to another thought and I have no idea what I was thinking about mere seconds ago.
All very sad you know, and frustrating. And of course depressing as hell. Go team.
Anyway I am now capable of telling you that NYE was farking awesome and I had much fun dancing for hours to goth, techno and drum'n'bass at Corp before chilling out with Dora and Suzie for a few hours watching french films and talking :D. This needs to happen more often because good music, awesome friends (srsly) and dancing can't be beat :).
Now I'm off to try and summon some interest into playing a game or reading a book but thats for after the shops. Toodles friends *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 11:32
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Monday, December 31, 2007
Ooooh, my head is a bit spaced for yea it has been a good christmas. No screaming, shouting, crying or indeed an atmosphere of bitterness, recrimination and regret that you could cut with a spoon. Fyi you can cut things with spoons, it just takes a little more force is all O:). Labels: Life
I got awesome presents from my friends (luffle you guys) and rather average and generic ones from my family. Par for the course tbh, parents buying you yet another set of ugly cufflinks that you don't need, a scarf that you'll never wear because you have one that is warmer and of more significance and a mild headache from everyone passive-aggressively giving you grief about your life. Yay.
Hope you all had a good time and that you had awesome presents, except for the ones I bought because I am of the suck and also like giving presents face to face with my friends, I'm strange like that sometimes :).
Anyways, tis NYE and things shall be rocking and awesome, the current plan is to go to Corp for a few hours of falling around in time to industrial music and then maybe a party or a chill session at Dora's, fun fun fun :D.
Hope you all have a great evening later, don't drink and fly my friends ;) *many hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 15:00
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Monday, December 17, 2007
Today... today was not a good day :|. I spent most of it in an incredibly down mood and... almost had a total breakdown :(. I was a hairsbreadth away from either locking myself in the server cupboard and hiding under the desk or just telling them I couldn't cope and running away :(.
So yeah, not a good day at all :|. *sighs* Some day I'll be more stable... hopefully.
Anyways, saturday was very sad and intense as Fleet left for Australia. And we don't know when we'll see him again which is the suck of a magnitude of 100 :|.
Blahg.
I don't have anything else to say. I'm going to go and try not to huddle up in bed all evening staring blankly at the bedsheet. Good times.
posted by snowlight on 17:16
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Thursday, December 13, 2007
Been up and down this week but tis of no importance :). Labels: Life
Had an awesome night at Corp last weekend, it was fairly epic in its fun content :D. It started with the Zion Train, I Witness and Riddimtion Sound System gig at 7 which was 4 hours of deep, dirty and danceable dub. Tis so much fun being in the middle of the dance floor with everyone all feeling the vibes and grinning like lunatics while they're dancing. Also so many hot people shaking their sexy arses can never ever be a bad thing, mmmmmm ;).
And after the gig was over and the bass rumble had died away things only got even more awesome as we found that Fleet had come out to Corp to meet us :). We ended up spending the night getting very unsober, stoned and dancing in almost unison for hours in the goth room. Another highlight was getting into a mock battle with Fleet in the smoking area for giggles and managing not to get thrown out :). Probably one of the most fun nights out I've had recently, and double good because we had an awesome night out with Fleet before he leaves for Australia this saturday, possibly forever :|.
Gonna miss him a hell of a lot as we've spent so much time hanging out with each other over the past few months playing games, watching documentaries, drinking and talking bollocks. But he may be back next year sometime, the future is fluid after all :).
Thats about it, looking forward to going to the Karma All Stars night at the Red House on saturday with all the funked up techno, psy-trance, gypsy ska-punk and other fun dancing type musics :).
Take care my friends and Dora I hope you have the awesomest time in Jamaica *many hugs* :).
posted by snowlight on 17:44
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Friday, December 07, 2007
Last night was a blast :). Went to the Red House which has been redecorated and has a really warm friendly feeling to the atmosphere inside. Met up with Skrys, Toby, Bomar, Neil, Gina and had a good evening of really offbeat and interesting music. From acoustic guitar to 80s pop djing to kate bush style piano and singing to psych rock. Plus there were many cute and hot people there :). Labels: Life
Kinda meh day at work possibly partly due to me waking up still feeling a little buzzed and wishing I was sitting somewhere other than my server cupboard.
Feeling a bit tired and disconnected at the moment and it is a little annoying. Might go and curl up in bed and stare blankly at the duvet for a while.
Hope you are okay my friends *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 16:49
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Hmmm, I should be in bed and asleep right now... Labels: Life
Instead I'm a little bit tipsy and have spent the past few hours listening to Ruby and Axis. Well, that and flirting with the barmaid. Good fun yes :D.
posted by snowlight on 01:05
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Thursday, December 06, 2007
Been rather hyper today and feeling rather to maniacal. Tis bad when you are walking home in just tshirt and trousers not feeling the cold at all and watching cars zoom past you on the road and knowing that you could stop them with just a single finger. Labels: headwrongs, Life, Technology
Mainly because it becomes entirely too tempting to go and try it if you think on it too much. I'm fairly certain of my own sense of self though (at least when it comes to playing in traffic, I hope so at least) to let myself do so but the idea is there...
Anyway, other than that I've actually ben able to concentrate at work fairly well and managed to attach a small wireless network up to the main wired network with a minimum of swearing. This is surprising because generally when you are working with wireless networks you'll find that none of it ever connects or works properly or that some will connect and others despite being identical in every way won't. Usually you start swearing at around the 30 minute mark and don't stop until you are done.
Remember guys technology is awesome, plug and play always works properly and networking is amazingly easy and straightforward...
:)
Tonight I'm off to the Red House for some sort of mental night that Toby is putting on with Skrys, Bomar and some other of the more colourful people in sheffield that I know. Before that I have to brave Tesco's at student o'clock, read my new Zombies Calling graphic novel and get some munch.
Hope you all had a good day and take care of yourselves :), see you soon *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 16:51
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Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Grrrr.
In a slightly miserable mood thanks to my brain working too much on thngs I'd rather not think about. I've been steadily getting more saddened and annoyed by the family's refusal to respect and how dismissive of how I feel about going back for christmas >:(. You'd think they'd at least have the decency to contemplate if only briefly my feelings, I guess that just isn't as important as what they want and I'm just supposed to suck it up and deal with it because it's my problem alone. As I've heard repeatedly on consolevania "Get tae fuck." which is what my next response will be if they try just one more time. Bring it on you fuckers >:|.
Hmph. So it goes.
Goth music seems to make things feel a bit better though :).
And with that out of the way I'm going to try and chill out with chris and rick for a few hours and then get mah game on. Hope you've all had a good day my friends. Take care :) *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 17:13
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Monday, December 03, 2007
Boing!
Not for any reason, rather just that I can. I'm in a bit of a hyper and silly mood right now despite the workness and feeling like I'm fighting through fog. But you know, friends can be a beacon unto you guiding you through the fog so it all works out :).
Had a pretty busy weekend all in all. Strated out on friday evening meeting up with Dora and John in the Nelson and hanging out drinking and attempting to skin up in the beer garden. Tis much more difficult than it sounds especially when you are reduced to using a small skin and bereft of grinder and other handy implements, you make do with what ya got though :). We parted ways at around 10:ish (I think) as they were off to Corp and I had to be up early the next morning and as all and sundry know Corp and gettin up early is a plan doomed to failure. I'll be there next week honest, if only cause I'm going to be wobbling around to some righteous dub courtesy of Zion Train, I Witness and the Riddimtion Sound System starting at somewhere around 7 and probably staying until closing :D. Plus it's been weeks since I danced badly to lovely goth music, I'm due my dose ;).
Ended up getting dragged out once I'd got home for an hour or two to play some pool in Riley's down the road with Rick and Chris which was pretty good fun.
Was up early on saturday and managed to sit back in bed for a bit after putting the heating on until my room was no longer as cold as siberia (this may be a slight exagerration) and then have a leisurely morning mug (or 3) of tea and a spliff before braving the walk through the biting ice wind and lancing winter sun to the train station. Lucky for me the train was the regulation three cars too small and thus was jam packed with people standing everywhere it was possible to put your feet, such wonderful public transport systems our trains are ;p.
Met Andy and Jen round by Afflecks Palace and we headed towards coffee and bookage :). Spent a lot of time wandering round the Arndale centre with me inevitably spending too much in Virgin and Waterstones again (although it has been a while since I splurged on music and books) following the present buying principle of one for them and three for me O:). After that we wandered round Afflecks palace and bought weird and interesting things, Andy bought me an awesome little silver safety pin stud :). Didn't end up getting any more piercings btw, thats for the 15th when I go back ;).
We ended up chilling out in a restaurant/bar for a while drinking and chatting before we decided to head home ways. A really good day all in all :), twas awesome to see Andy again and also to meet Jen who is absolutely lovely. Really happy for ya mang :).
Other than that I haven't done much apart from join up at Rileys down the road so that I can get my pool on and also have somewhere close by to drink where I can play pool. Popped into the Lescar as well which has just reopened and as we feared it has become some sort of stylewanker doom hole with dark paint, ambient lighting and really dark stained woodwork. We drank one in honour of the previous glory of the Lescar and left feeling rather subdued :(. Bah :(.
Just had more hassle of a family type, this time from the sister about going to wales for christmas. Apparently my having suffered through 23 christmases of misery and bleak hate isn't quite enough and I ought to go back and get depressed again. Obviously. Also I'm supposed to feel some sort of familial urge to see my niece which of course I don't feel since I am almost utterly detached from my family in emotional terms. So I guess that attempt to appeal to my familial side is doomed to failure eh?
Getting rather aggravated that they don't seem to be capable of understanding the word "NO" to be honest. So it goes, I guess. But you know, christmas in Sheffield hanging around in my home with Martin, Skrys and whoever else is around promises to be awesome fun :D. And the fact that I'll be hanging out with all my friends and going to a great NYE party makes the world and my life brighter :D.
Hope you have a good evening friends and take care of yourselves, I'll see you soon :) *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 17:11
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Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Think I'm in a bit of a quiet moment at the moment, sadly it feels a bit like the calm before the storm in too many ways :|. No point worrying any about what will happen next though, much better just to enjoy the feeling of inner peace instead while I have it :). Labels: Life
That sounds all a bit too mature and optimistic doesn't it :P.
Been sneakily doing christmas shopping over the past few weeks using my mad cuteweird present finding skillz. Or something™. Tis all good though I find myself wanting to keep some of them for myself. Obviously I would never stoop so low but I guess thats what I get for being totally in love with cuteweird things :). Such a burden and affliction that man or woman was not meant to suffer from I tell thee.
I'm off to read a book and listen to some soothing music, hope you are all okay my friends *many hugs* :).
posted by snowlight on 18:47
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Thursday, November 22, 2007
Things seem to be a bit more normal now and so we can resume normal service.
Spent most of this morning quietly dismantling a large HP colour laser printer. Utterly relaxing and fairly interesting as I had to remember all the correct matches for the many ribbon cables and sockets on the various boards inside. Reminded me quite a lot why I like working with computers, I'm very much the type of person who sees a piece of technology or equipment and whose first instinct is to take it apart, identify all the various chips, boards and mechanics, how they interconnect and work and eventually understand how it all comes together as a single machine. Obviously I don't take everything apart on sight otherwise I wouldn't have all my shiny gadgets and toys, but who knows what will happen when they break or get replaced ;).
Mainly did menial stuff and organising for the rest of the day and grabbed an hour of overtime. Tonight I think I'm going to get some FFX-ing in on the PS2 and try and maintain my quiet state :). Hope you are all okay dear friends and if you aren't you will be soon yes *many hugs* :).
posted by snowlight on 18:23
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Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Aaah and now the mood shifts begin again, I was wondering where they'd gone. Hard to keep a game face on while I'm in work as well, think I'm starting to do the whole separation of personality thing again which could be problematic. Et la *shrugs*. Labels: Life
Apart from that I'm content. Life is generally good apart from the obvious, I know several fantastic people who should be more aware of their sheer amazingness and awesomeness. I'm talking to you here, be aware of it always reet *many hugs* :).
Off to Corp this weekend which I haven't done for a few weekends now and I It'll be much funs I reckon :). And I'll be hanging out with Andy next weekend which will be more awesome funs :D.
*many hugs* for you my dear friends, take care :).
posted by snowlight on 16:57
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Monday, November 19, 2007
London was pretty good and I am in total envy of Matt's house there. I'd say it is easily 2.5 - 3 times the size of my house in terms of space and the front bedroom is the most gigantic and palatial room I've seen in a rented house. Easily 3 - 4 times the size of my room and with a damned balcony outside. Want!
A note though, I'm never ever taking the coach down to London again as it was really cramped. Probably due to the fact that it is incredibly cheap I suspect.
So fucking awesome!!!! I'm now wondering exactly where in this house I can build ball pit :D.
And now the bad, I had the double barreled boss attack today over my large amounts of absence due to illness, something over which I have very little control due to my crappy immune system atm (hooray for antidepressants and their immune system destroying side effects). I'm to see the occupational health therapist with whom all conversation is (supposedly) confidential. Given that their job is also to report back to my managers I am curious to know how far this confidentiality stretches. The other enjoyable news is that my probation review is actually next month. Also tis great when you come back from a job to find one of the hard as nails female teachers sobbing torrents outside the classroom opposite your office because of what the shitbag kids have been doing not to mention the happy slapping incident earlier today or hearing about the kids threatening to put a teachers face through the back window of a bus while he is on the way home for telling a kid to stop smoking on the bus.
Lovely kind of environment to work in really :|.
And then the slightly fucking terrifying comes.
I don't know how or when exactly things are going to go down, I'd prefer not to be fired just before christmas but that may be what it comes to depending on my probation review. I've never been fired before and I'd prefer to leave under my own steam but things may happen. It'd probably be a good idea to investigate getting a small loan over the next few days all in all. Weird, this is the first time I've let my worklife go so totally haywire, twisted and fucked up because I wasn't bothered about/enjoying it although I'm not sure if that is the correct way to put it. And while I feel uncertain I'm also quite buoyant underneath the fears, after all life happens in interesting ways and if you don't pay attention you won't see where it goes :).
Hope you all had a good weekend and I give you *many hugs* my friends :).
posted by snowlight on 17:48
2 people spoke to me
Friday, November 16, 2007
The Jesu gig at Corp last night was fucking awesome, my ears are still ringing a bit and the memory of the liquifying bass lines make me smile. The other band Mono wasn't so good though but I'll grab some mp3s and give them another try and see if I get into them. <3 post-rock music.
The downside was that I was still vereh vereh shitfaced this morning when I woke up due to perhaps over eager consumption of booze. The kebab from Harlequins probably didn't help too much either. Yes I was drunk enough to buy a dirty dirty kebab, it seemed so right at the time :(. This morning was unsurprisingly spent hiding in my cupboard trying to stop the world spinning and concentrating on not being sick again. Yay.
Off to London in 30 minutes to see Matt, take care and I hope you all have awesome weekends my friends *hugs* :).
posted by snowlight on 17:23
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Pak chooie unf!
UNF!
Wow, I think the mighty bass of Jesu and Mono made me cream. Seriously... wow :D.
posted by snowlight on 00:09
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Sunday, November 11, 2007
Heh. Heh heh heh.
That was one fucking awesome party, in fact I'm still a little bit buzzed despite having been home since 5 this morning and also sleeping for a bit. I think I'll blame the bottle of evil/vile Buckfast tonic wine that steve brought (the filthy filthy swine). Good fun though and apparently the vampire pharmacist is a terrifying/intriguing/hot costume, I am win again :D. Now thinking that a party at my house would also be a whole lot of j-awesome and I'll be talking to others in't house so keep 'em peeled friends for further news :).
Back to lying in bed now with a nice brew and a spliff, take care friends :) *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 13:16
1 people spoke to me
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Moar blog you say?!? Labels: Life
Yes, moar blog infuckingdeedy :). Seem to be getting back into the swing of it, this is undobtedly a good thing as it forces me to focus and remember things. Helpful when you have a haphazard memory like mine where I can tell you large amounts of trivia but commonly forget what I was doing 5 minutes beforehand and forget my name and birthday from time to time. Super.
Anyway, short run down of last weekend seeing as it has taken me over a week and a half to finish writing about Whitby. Hmmmmm...
Not much happened in the week really apart from me running around at work desperately trying to get all the machines at the special school updated to the latest security patches etc as it hadn't been done for around a year to year and a half. Mmmm, security patches, all part of the fun of working on a windows network, hah.
Friday night I dressed up as a pharmacy technician and me Rick, Gina, Toby and Neil all went to the private halloween party of Dill Zogg who happens to run a club night called Planet Zogg which is full of the rhythmic melodies of pounding techno and swirly psy-trance and lots of people spannered dancing hard. In his spare time he also manages to be Rick and Gina's karate sensei and an all round top bloke.
Wandered up to this lovely huge house on collegiate crescent and found that we were fairly early and that the party hadn't kicked off yet. Met all the other lunatics that take karate with Rick and Gina before ending up in Dill's room which had been decorated with a riot of UV reactive hangings and glowing objects. Sat around for an hour or so just chatting while Dill and a few mates dj'ed some rather fantastic early punk/goth tunes with a horror bent. Chatted a little to some of the other people there who I recognised from the Vine (what an amazing coincidence to have people from the Vine at a houseparty eh) and passed some time until Dill ordered everyone out for the fireworks show.
Cut to about sixty partymonsters/crusties/clubbers standing out in the back garden while some rather spannered crusties launched fireworks using a traffic cone as a launch platform. Given that most people (your beloved blogger included) were all floating up the mountain to the land of spanneredness there were unsuprisingly lots of oooohing and aaahing at the pretty colours and loud explosions. After about an hours worth of fireworks everyone trooped back inside as the party was about to start properly.
The music had changed into something a little bit more latin flavoured with some dirty dancy bass lurking in the background. Started chatting more to Miriam who I've seen in the Vine and who was wearing a really hot belly dancer outfit. Chatted about everything and nothing and complimented/flirted slightly outrageously with each other :). Apparently I'm extremely androgynous in the looks department and that increases my hawtness, I don't seem to be able to control my blush reflex when flirting though, heh.
Decided to dance for a bit as the beats were now pounding and everyone was up 'avin it and given the situation and my state of spanneredness I ended up dancing until sadly I noticed it was almost 3 and I probably ought to get some sleep before the visit of clippy. If it weren't for that I'd have stayed for the entire night and probably for the day afterwards, hopefully I'll be able to go to another party there soon :).
Yeah clippy came to visit, although my state of braintoastyness and being quite stoned meant that I really wasn't paying any attention to what she was saying at all really. I was hoping though that she'd say something that I'd find offensive and then I could just tear into her and tell her to GTFO and that we wouldn't be on speaking terms from then on, bah. Parents never behave how you want them to do they, and the reason I want her to provide the immediate catalyst is that it'll make it much easier to negate her passive-aggressive way of fucking with my head. Wonder when the next opportunity will arise, hmmmmmm.
Anyway, after that boredom and general mehness I needed some cheering up and so I went to meet a personage of awesomeness at Corp who is known as Dora :). Corp was bizarrely rather empty (I put that down to most people having halloween parties to go to) but I had a fantastic time dancing like a loon in the goth room and hanging out chatting with Dora and a random interesting but fairly drunk guy called Leo whose jacket I wanted to steal as it was from the Royal Opera House wardrobe. Also met a slightly scary lass who was a bit too obsessed with an average visual kei band called Dir en Grey.
Had a nice walk home after Corp was done and had a nice relaxing spliff when I got in and got my documentary on for a bit before falling asleep to a soothing voice talking about lockpicking, bliss :).
Said a very heartfelt goodbye to clippy at about lunchtime on sunday and spent the rest of the day lazing about in my room. All in all a rather splendid weekend only marred by the appearance of clippy.
Hope you've all had a good week so far, take care my friends :) *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 16:45
1 people spoke to me
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Hmmm, pretty sure it is work thats putting me off working with computerness, I kinda find it intolerable and evil that the one thing I'm quite good at is seeming so unappealing due to the job I currently have :|. Bleh.
Anyway, had a chat with Dad last night and oddly enough he didn't bring up christmas at all which means either he has decided not to push the issue, he's leaving it for a while or he has forgotten. Hmmm, I don't like having to analyse and judge the behaviour of the only person in my immediate family who I was starting to trust, despite the fact that I should be used to my family hurting me I find it quite painful and it sits in my head like an open wound that I can't resist prodding from time to time. *sighs* Kay, enough of the woe is me I think.
Tonight tis time to start packing, hoover my room, FFX a bit more (pretty and sparkly ooooh yes), try to doodle a little since I've not been able to focus on it and hang out with Rick and John. Have a good evening my friends *hugs* :).
posted by snowlight on 16:55
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Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Nowt so gleeful and fun as kicking'n'skipping through huge piles of leaves on the way home from work though I'm not sure what other peds and any passing drivers made of it heehee :D. Labels: Childishness, Life, Stuff
Also being called sir by other staff members at work is both confusing and/or arousing, obviously it depends on who is calling me sir O;). Also must remember to not voice my thoughts, especially when they are along the lines of "It'd be nicer if you were wearing a *insert sexy outfit here* outfit when you call me that" for I sense that I'll get slapped quite hard, well that or possibly laid or perhaps both if the universe is keeping up that strange sense of humour. Hmmmm...
Me?! Frustrated?! Whatever gives ye that idea }:).
My sexy but incredibly fey necklace arrived today and I've been admiring it on myself, I do believe that I've actually surprised even myself this time for I wasn't at all certain that it'd suit me but somehow it works perfectly. Where have I acquired this bizarre knack for being able to dress and accessorise myself with an odd mix of clothing and jewellery and make it work or at least not look like a twat with the clothing sense of a half blind monkey. Win and maybe pictures later :).
Time to go do some shopping before this house stops being able to wash clothes. drink tea with milk and sugar or use the dishwasher ;). Mmmmm semi-domesticity is quite nice y'all.
Hope you've all had a good day my friends *hugs* :).
posted by snowlight on 16:54
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Monday, October 22, 2007
I rise from the depths of my room like a fly buzzing round the tasty meaty morsel of the internet steak... or something™.
Had a pretty quiet weekend due to saving money up for Whitby, mainly because once again a Tobytastrophe has happened (again) and he has absolutely none of the money he owes me or quite probably any money to survive on in Whitby. I swear that man has either the worst luck in the world or a very specific curse which is active on a 9 month cycle. Seriously, every 9 months some crazy and unforseen occurrence will leave the poor sod without any money and his plans of pulling himself from the pit he was trapped in by the previous Tobytastrophe in ruins (yet again). Guess tis time for me to play sugar daddy, just without the usual benefits that come with it such as the sugar (hur hur) or the daddyness (it's be just creepy). Oh well.
Ended up at a party for someone from BGS on saturday night and that was pretty good fun: we managed to reach and breach the technological abilities of early man and ended up with a jury-rigged fire in an old bin outside, played a game of what music is weird but danceable (mp3 players FTW) and played drunken Guitar Hero which I managed to be surprisingly okay at despite being a bit drunk and stoned :). I actually managed to overcome my crippling social stupids and ended up chatting with the only clubber (you knows what I mean by that I reckons) while hovering round the fire, suddenly he mentioned it was like a festival and I countered that we needed some pounding techno or psy-trance to bring the illusion to life, he duly obliged by putting some dirty four to the floor Big Ron Atomizer tracks on and all was good *untz untz untz untz* :D. I also ended up chatting with a couple of the ladies including the lovely Gemma who I had a really nice time dancing with and talking to :D. I think I ended up leaving at somewhere about 4ish or so, I'm fairly sure I got home before 5 and I managed to navigate my way from off Abbeydale Road to home without accidentally going in the wrong direction and ending up in Woodseats somehow, luckily this time no one broke out the absinthe and decided to start feeding it to me :).
Lazy day yesterday despite the fact that I was going to doodle and tidy I ended up snuggling up in my nice warm bed for most of the day playing on the PS2. My winter duvet is the most toasty and comfortable I've ever slept in, mmmmmmm. Today was work (yay) which was blah, boring and uninteresting. The added bonus of having to get out of my toasty bed and into my icebox of a room thanks to the boiler being bollocksed was less than fun, the things I do for money eh ;P.
Tonight I think I'll drink some ale, get back into the shiny happy land of JRPG's thanks to Final Fantasy X, decide what case and clothes I'm taking to Whitby (got to remember that I'll inevitably have a ginormous shopping spree there so I need extra space), wait for Dora to text me back (hang outs we shall a-go?) and possibly do some hanging out with Fangy and playing of Guitar Hero or Halo 3. A quiet evening then :D.
Hope you all had an awesome weekend and that you have a good week (at least until I next blog), take care friends *hugs* :).
posted by snowlight on 17:11
0 people spoke to me
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Nnnnggg. Labels: Family, Grrr, Jobs, Life
Well sadly that euphoric happiness and warm fuzzy feeling didn't last very long as a couple of hours later Dad decided to call me. Yay. I have to admit being bitterly, bitterly disappointed with him as I thought he sort of understood who I am, where I was coming from and exactly why I can't go back again but obviously not :(. And I didn't think he'd resort to attempting emotional manipulation and guilt tripping to make me go back for christmas, though I will say that I do believe someone has been pushing him towards it. Plus he obviously doesn't know me too well if he thinks that the fact that my sister has managed to get herself knocked up and is due to spawn in November and that I'll be an "Uncle" are any sorts of reasons for me to go back because as you all know I loathe my sister and also children. I almost laughed at him while he was on the phone but the crippling feeling of betrayal and misery brought on by his just asking had wrapped itself around me so I wasn't able to :|.
I don't have a fucking clue why I even bother *sighs*.
And the other thing that has me a bit infuriated is the fact that my employers failed to mention (at any point, including at the interview) that the only time I can take any holidays is during the school holidays. FUCK THAT. As an IT monkey the only time I can ever get any proper work done on the infrastructure, room changes, machine images and general preparing of the network for use is in the school holidays and therefore I'm not able to take any holidays then. Dilemma. I've just spent the afternoon dashing around trying to sort out taking just a single fucking day off so I can goth it up in Whitby next weekend and I'm not in the mood for this heinous bullshit. Basically the deal seems to be that everyone else gets to fuck off somewhere nice and have lots of time off and muggins here is stuck being violently face raped with knives and sporks. Nice, I would not have taken the job if I'd known about this at the interview >:|. Obviously I'm more than a little unhappy about this state of affairs and coupled with some other things (such as generally not enjoying the job, the fact that I seem to be getting a bit jaded with IT etc) I do believe I'll be handing in my notice when my six months probation period comes to an end. Guess I'll have a chance to decide whether I want to work in IT anymore or whether I'll go and do something different.
*ponder*
Quite ranty that lot, yes. I feel a little bit calmer for it though and also as if a weight has been lifted now I've made a decision about future job continuity, once more unto the breach :).
As a side effect of my misery cloud I may have gone on a rather crazy spending spree on the internets. Mostly at Etsy and mostly on gorgeous jewellery. Shhh don't tell anyone I'm a bit of a slut for beautiful earrings and necklaces ;). Etsy is an online marketplace basically for people from all over the world to gather and sell gorgeous handmade and crafted items from all over the world ranging from jewellery to furniture to artwork, in fact you should all stop reading this blog and go there right now and get searching. NOW! ;).
Roight, I'm off to open up that Amstrad and have a poke around inside for a bit and then watch some more documentaries :). Hope you are all okay and having fun *hugs* :).
posted by snowlight on 17:29
1 people spoke to me
Monday, October 15, 2007
I've still got the warm fuzzies from earlier when a dear friend said the kindest and sweetest things to me that I've heard for a long time :). Life is totally awesome thanks to you my friends and I <3's you all deeply :D *many hugs*. Labels: Life
posted by snowlight on 18:01
0 people spoke to me
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Yay, last night was awesome fun just hanging out with good peoples, dancing a lot in the goth room and chilling out :). Thats about it, hopefully we'll do it again soonish and with more people involved :).
Hope you all had a good weekend too my friends :) *hugs*
posted by snowlight on 22:47
0 people spoke to me
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Mmmf. Well that was a tragically hilarious and totally fucking crap weekend, and yes it was my own damn fault. That and the fact that clippy is fucking batshit insane, but I had words to say about that and proceeded to shout them and incandescent rage. At least now they understand that I'm staying home for christmas rather than putting myself through unnecessary misery. Rock. Labels: Life
But I'm home now and things are so much better here :).
Don't really have much of a drive to blog at the moment and I'm not sure why. I've started doodling more tattoo designs and concepts every now and then, I've managed to do several so far but seem to find ways to improve on each one in a new and interesting way which brings the design closer to whats in my head :). Who knows maybe I'll eventually learn how to draw properly while I'm doing this ;P.
Tonight I think I'll chill a bit, doodle, prod people with ideas of hanging out and try to centre my mind before the delayed reactions kick in. Take care my friends, hope life is treating you well :) *many hugs*.
PS - The Royal Mail seems to be staffed exclusively with complete and utter cunts, that is all.
posted by snowlight on 16:46
1 people spoke to me
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
So I'm currently sitting in my room (which is freezing cold I'll have you know, why is it that my room is the only one without decently glazed heat trapping windows) having spent the night and day writhing around on my bed shivering and sweating and being sick :|. I do believe that ah'm living in some sort of crazy illness laboratory capable of transforming anything that infects one of my housemates into a full blown house epidemic. I can see myself getting a chat without tea when I go back into work tomorrow due to all the illing I've been suffering. Blah.
Anyway, I had a pretty good weekend, spent much of it chilling with ma homez (hurr hurr, I speak slang bettar good) and ended up being part of a small pub crawl that start at the Vine (seriously one of the best pubs in Sheffield, full of interesting people and also incredibly relaxed when it comes to having a fatty in the beer garden, hell you'll even be sharing them round with the bar staff) continued through to the Nelson and thence to the Dove 'n' Rainbow where we once again bumped into John and James. I'm really digging this whole village in a city vibe that you get from living here :). Eventually we ended up at Corp (for a change heh) where we also met up with Sheffields one and only space hippie cum doctor of crazy mathematics otherwise known to his friends as Pan :). I have to admit I ended up leaving earlyish (2:15ish) due to the introvertedness striking and also not bumping into who I hoped to bump into thus ending up home alone zoning out in my room. Et la.
Currently planning what I'll be needing to take with me to that gothest of all festivals Whitby Goth Weekend :D. Me and Toby are off at the end of october to fall about in a small coastal town with innumerable other goth types and intend to drink and make merry. I'm thinking I may nheed some sort of Fear And Loathing type briefcase of madness to make it even more intense. I expect there is going to be some sitting around in the Abbey being goth as fuck also. Promising don't you think :).
And now I think I'll go wander round the house in hope of finding a warm room to chill out in. Take my friends, hope you have a good week :) *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 17:30
0 people spoke to me
Saturday, September 15, 2007
I've just slept for 12 hours or so :).
This week I have mostly been introverted despite my best efforts to be social and fun. It is important to note that these things tend to be difficult for me to cope with and I end up just sitting in my room and avoiding people so I can be alone. I know this is a terrible thing to do due to my other wrongs being codependent on my mood and exposure to the outside but sometimes you can't fight the feeling. 'Sides of which I haven't really felt bad this week, just not particularly energetic or interested in hanging out with people due to my need to for solace, that and I'm not really inclined to bug my friends with stuff. Yes I do know how stupid that is especially as y'all monitor this blog not only for my life happenings but also so you can start shouting at me if I backslide ;P. Yer awesome people you know that right?
Anyway guess I should tell yas what happened last weekend before I end up with more Corp related crazy tonight :). Ended up going to Corp with just Toby last weekend where we ended up meeting with Dora, John and a whole host of other cool people and danced, chilled, drank and chatted. Ended up with a whole host of people coming back to mine for a gathering which lasted until about 6am on sunday before restarting at midday once peeps who were left woke up again. I'd like to note that Dave is an utterly obnoxious cnut who was lucky enough to leave this house without any serious maiming but that Chris and Nia (yet another refugee from the Bay, be there some sort of subconcious urge amongst us poor, trapped Welsh residents which points us towards Sheffield?) were lovely.
Had a fairly good week at work although the mainstream school is altogether too intense for me and quite frankly the staff are fucking arseholes with very little in the way of manners or inclination to learn how to use the technology that makes it easier for them to teach. Needless to say this gets on my nerves :|. The special school is a haven of friendliness and is altogether much more interesting and satisfying to work at. I've been roped into a paintball-fest next weekend to celebrate the birthday of Steve who helps out a lot with all of the IT jobs up at the special school. It promises to be good fun as I seem to have been the only person who has been paintballing before }:).
Tonight 'tis off to Corp for more flailing around to goth music in the big room upstairs as they've just switched the metal and goth rooms round, hanging around with the awesome people I am lucky to know and trying to be more sociable. Also to try and talk to the lass I seem to be crushing on really hard (seriously, 'tis difficult to close my eyes at the moment and not see her face, so yeah ummmm)... :).
Guessing I'll see ya later *many hugs*, take care :).
posted by snowlight on 13:43
0 people spoke to me
Thursday, September 06, 2007
So...
I've spent the past couple of weeks being utterly and hopelessly in unwilling thrall to my resurgent bipolar headwrongs. It hasn't been pleasant or easy to deal with in any way, in fact I've spent most of my time so confused and brainfucked by the rapidity and randomness of the mental switches (we're talking usually double figures for most days) that I've found it difficult to do anything at all besides being bewildered and frightened :(. Despite this I somehow haven't become massively depressed again which is a plus point I guess, I just wish I knew what has triggered this entire debacle of lunacy and pain.
Guess the best I can hope for in this kind of situation is that I can manage my damage and stay 'pretty fucking functional'...
Yeah, we'll go with that option.
Anyway, despite that crazy stuff I did manage to have a real good time on saturday night although that may have another basis ;). Went out to Corp with Kat, Fox and Gina to drink, dance and attempt to be merry. Amazingly it worked and I had a lot of fun. Weirdly as we were leaving Corp I bumped into Dora's housemate John and a group of random peoples of who I can remember just Alex (I think) and Ceri for some reason O:)/}:), I can't quite remember exactly how I went from being outside Corp to sitting in an attic room smoking some reef and being bombarded with some sort of indie/disney music marathon but it was pretty crazygood and an apt and traditionally odd ending to the night.
This week has been a bit odd, I'm really not enjoying working at the mainstream school to be honest, tis a bit too intense in terms of atmosphere and not in a good way. However the upside has been is that I've started doing half my week at the special school and it is extremely nice and relaxed there, the staff are friendlier and easier to get on with. Still been pondering what will happen depending on how things are a few months down the line, hmmmm.
That's about it, looking forward to the weekend where there will be fun and pie :). Take care friends *hugs*.
posted by snowlight on 16:55
2 people spoke to me
Sunday, August 26, 2007
This is why you should praise Warren Ellis as our one and only Internet Jesus. Such gloriously evocative phrasing and the most wonderful and twisted characters. Unf. Labels: Life
Today I think will be spent tidying up in here a little, taking random photos, doodling stuff on paper, reading and maybe pubification laters with people :).
*hugs* for you :).
posted by snowlight on 12:00
0 people spoke to me
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
I'm wondering many things right now, I guess the one that is at the front of that muddled mess masquerading as my mind is exactly why I've been crying or on the point of crying so often in the past few days. The sudden periods of utter bleakness that trigger this ain't much fun either :|. Me and my weird headwrongs I guess, blah, just have to remember not to focus on it too much otherwise I might find myself getting depressed and that would be a manifest bad. Hmph. Labels: Life
Had a great evening on monday hanging out in the Nelson with Dora and her friend Phil, there was beer and silly talk, what more could one want :).
I think tonight I'm going to start doodling down that idea I had for a tattoo earlier and then try to recreate it in photoshop. S'been a few months since I modified my body in any sort of way after all ;).
Take care friends *hugs* :).
posted by snowlight on 17:56
0 people spoke to me
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Hmmm time to blogzor I should think. Labels: Life
Has been a quietish week apart from the awesome of going for a few drinks with Dora with the talking and funs :D. Sometimes I wonder exactly how I know such awesome and kind people as it sure as hell can't be my winning personality ;P. But tis enough of a gleesome thing to know that there are awesome people who want to hang around with me from time to time :). It gives me bucketloads of the warm fuzzies.
I guess I should start investimagating hobbies to do outside of my house otherwise I may give in to my tendency towards hermitry which would be a manifest bad. I'm thinking archery as it is something I've always enjoyed and been fairly good at. There has always been something very soothing about sending a sliver of metal flying down the range at least for me, get into the moment and nothing else exists on earth apart from the target. Mmmm.
Anyhow, enough rambles, I've spent the time that hasn't been eaten by gaming or watching more documentaries planning what I'll be up to for christmas. The way it goes is thusly, I've been invited to spend christmas in Australia by one of my housemates as he'll be moving back there at the end of the year. But (and tis a big but) if I can't afford the holiday or ticket then it means I'll be in the UK which means the family will be expecting me to go back and see them instead. I'm afraid I'm not much of a fan of that idea so I've been toying with hanging around in Sheffield for christmas instead to save my sanity and prevent the murderings from happening. I can't see the family being happy with this at all but then again my sanity and need to stay not depressed are more important.
Eh, guess thats it for now. Time to go and conquer the world again :). Hope you've all had a good weekend my friends (I know some of you have) and take care of ya'selves ja *many hugs* :).
posted by snowlight on 13:04
1 people spoke to me
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Time for a posty thing to go here I guess. Labels: Life, Technology, Work
Things are pretty good, I seem to have settled in and developed a good routine around the house and I'm a lot better at organising myself which is a bonus. My brains seem to be working a hell of a lot better now that I'm out of Wales and my emotional state is much calmer :).
Been hanging out with all the various people I know around just going out drinking, clubbing and chilling out watching movies, listening to music and talking bollocks. Also Anthony came back from his year of teaching in Japan and we spent an evening drinking, smoking and giggling insanely as he regaled us with crazy Japan stories and showed us pictures and videos.
Work is pretty good although the being up at 6:15 every morning to walk into work is a bit of a ballache but managable. The guys I'm working with are a good lot and always up for a laugh and copious amounts of booze whenever we go out on the lash. Tis a tiny place I'm working in though, only 640 pupils and less than 40 staff which is a huge change from college but quite nice because I should be able to remember most peoples names even with my terrible memory ;P.
Starting to really hate Macs already though, such abominable and terribly designed machines should not exist in this universe. I could go on for hours at how frustrating it is to use them, how retarded and fugly the GUI and control scheme is, how unhelpful the error reporting and logging is (You've had an error but we won't tell you why or give you any idetifiable error codes), how bastarding difficult it is to image just one of them and how utterly terrible, broken and useless all the supposed "system" utilities are. But I'll spare you that ordeal dear friends for tis terrible a thing to contemplate. I think I might need a lobotomy just to be able to comprehend how they function which'll probably bring me in line with all the Apple fantards out there. Meh.
Back in that place next weekend for Cap'n Birdseye's birthday but I'm intending to spend as little time around the family as I possibly can.
Guess thats it for now, hoping to see Andy soon and give him *many hugs* and have a long talk about life, the universe and everything :D. Miss ya br'er.
Take care my friends, *hugs* for all :).
posted by snowlight on 17:10
0 people spoke to me
Friday, July 06, 2007
GRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. Labels: Life
HATE BT, HATE!
Sorry, but my lack of internauts is getting oto me. Must check email and comics, must leech music and games....
Hopefully (he says without hope) we should be internauted by some time at the end of next week and then I won't be going stir crazy. On the other hand a lack of internet has allowed me to go hardcore gamer again and I've spent what time hasn't been used by organising and sorting playing Oblivion.
I'm sorry I haven't texted anyone but I did have a few days where all I wanted to do was to nerd it up in a massive style. I'll poke some of you now in fact.
Time to stop nicking SHU bandwidth and run for the hills :).
Take care my friends my *hugs* and heart are with you :).
posted by snowlight on 12:40
0 people spoke to me
Thursday, June 28, 2007
I live in Sheffield now.... Labels: Life
:D
Nicking SHU bandwidth to check intarwubs and change addresses, yarrrr a pirate oi be ;).
posted by snowlight on 17:35
1 people spoke to me
Monday, June 25, 2007
Sooo.....
It's my last day in work today and I have to admit I'm feeling kinda sad about leaving. Not because I want to stay around here but because I can honestly say that this is the best job I've had so far in my working life and I will be sad to go as it's been fun and I've learnt a lot and I don't have to wear a fricking shirt ;P.....
Mneh :).
Once again my room looks horribly empty again with almost everything except the PC, TV and TV stand now sitting downstairs in the dining room. I NEED THOSE TO LIVE ;). Anyway, just waiting to be contacted about my (mmmmmmm) shiny new £160 worth of toolkit and my ohsofuckingsexay New Rocks to arrive. Hopefully today or tomorrow this shall happen.
Still can't really believe it is finally happening :D.
Hope you all have a good day my friends *many hugs* :D.
posted by snowlight on 09:26
0 people spoke to me
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
So to recap the weekend. My friends are totally fucking awesome to the EXTREME MAXXX :D. Labels: Life
Ya, rly!
So quite a bit of my stuff was moved up (hooray and *many hugs* for Andy) and my neck and shoulders only just stopped aching yesterday after my frenzied dancing on saturday night. It wasn't as awesome as it could have been but it came close and there will always be more awesome lurking in the future waiting to be used. There always is ;).
Getting more nervous/excited as the days slowly slip away and the 27th looms closers. I've started packing and sorting the final bits to be moved as well as organising my paperwork etc. I'm getting a nice shiny toolkit full of toys since I'm guessing I'll be the only person in the house with any DIY experience, although admittedly my DIY experience mostly consists of bolting together steelwork frames and installing things in ceilings and walls :P. Anyway, a decent toolbox is something any self respecting hardware geek should have and something I can see myself needing in the future especially if I do decide to start custom building furniture/bits. What is he planning eh?
The other interesting thing I have found is that the rentals have been hiding around £2000 of money that should have come to me ...ooooh... all of 8 years ago. Suffice to say this is both welcome and from my view a bit vexing. Welcome because I could buy nice shiny new things and vexing because I should have had this ages ago and once again my parents have been lying to me and fucking around with my money. Now I have to go through the rigamarole of contacting NS&I and trying to have it transferred to my account.
I'm thinking an upgraded PC or a 50" plasma TV would be nice :D. Well and saving some of course since I'm all responsible an shite now (so I'm told ;P).
I'll see you all soon but for the time twixt now and then I give you a bounty of *big hugs* :).
posted by snowlight on 09:52
0 people spoke to me
Friday, June 15, 2007
So I've been thinking and pondering stuff. Where to start though... hmmm? Labels: Future, Life, Thoughts
I'm moving in 12 days to start what I hope will be a new chapter or paragraph in my life. I'm finally mentally stable to a greater or lesser extent and I seem to have regained some of my drive and thirst for life. These seem to be good things as already I'm starting to think a bit more clearly and plan out my actions with consideration for what will happen in the future. I guess this could be some form of optimism emerging ;P. I've also been uncontrollably bouncing about and grinning almost constantly for the last week which seems to confuses people and also makes my face ache :).
I have to admit that my emotional state is still a bit conflicted about this move even though I am totally dedicated to it. I'm feeling intense glee, anticipation, fear and also sadness and discontent. Glee and anticipation of moving and the future opening up in front of me to a better life and hopefully a better Owen - New and Improved! Now With Added Enthusiasm! Available At All Good Stockists Now!. The fear and discontent of what will happen seems to be coming from the 10 mile wide pessimistic streak in my head that whispers of how it could all go wrong, bah. And the sadness comes of moving away from one of my best friends and an awesome guy, I feel bad about it and it makes me feel like crying sometimes.
.....
(Excerpt of rage)
I've got to say that I'll be glad to see as little of my family as possible as they are all really fucking infuriating me at the moment. Dad is being a sullen and moody git at the moment and having a go at me for no reason, probably because the sister is trying to move back in and has been here constantly for the past 2 weeks messing around in the house.
My thieving whorebag of a sister is pissing me off by fucking around in my room, pinching several CDs and DVDs and making it constantly stink of weed. Speaking of which she has also been stealing from my stash again and lying about it to my face, this explains where all of my weed has gone despite being locked inside my lockbox (which she has stolen a key for) or hidden in the most unlikely places around my room. I am a little bit unhappy about this and have had words with her already, I'm fairly sure I used every swear word in the english language and as many as I could remember from other languages at the top of my voice. And I still want to hamstring the scatmunching whore with a knife and kick her down a nice set of steep concrete stairs.
Clippy on the other hand is providing me with a constant low grade nagging and pestering every single bastard day and is also trying to snoop into my life by asking everyone who talks to me about what I'm doing and where I've been. I'm trying to be civil and polite at the moment but I'm getting overwhelmingly tempted to tell her to fuck off as she's likely to make me depressed again.
(Fin)
Rarrrgh, grrr and suchlike.
Mmmm, I feel a bit calmer for having put that down in writing :).
Anyway, off to Sheffield with Andy tomorrow to show him the steel city and also move some of my stuff over, certain to be fun :). I do believe that the house contract will be finalised tomorrow as well which is awesome :).
So my future looks like it could get a bit more interesting in almost all aspects and I have a feeling that this summer could be epic and one of the most fun in my life :D.
*hugs* Have a good weekend my friends and I'll see you tomorrow mang :D.
posted by snowlight on 17:13
2 people spoke to me
Thursday, June 14, 2007
I know I've not blogged much recently. Check back for later for a disjointed post covering almost everything I've been up to or thinking. Labels: Life
posted by snowlight on 15:55
0 people spoke to me
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Change is good and life seems to be pretty good right now. Wonder what the future is going to bring. Labels: Life
Who knows :).
posted by snowlight on 14:28
2 people spoke to me
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Woo, 5 and a half hour train journey. Don'tcha just love bank holiday rail works >:|.
But yes, I has a job. A new shiny job made of work, learning and fucking around with video, music and photography in a computer based stylee. I am chuffed :D.
I'll talk to y'all who tried to contact me over the weekend tomorrow, I'm knackered and in dire need of a rest and a fatty.
*hugs* Hope you are having awesomes :).
posted by snowlight on 22:28
0 people spoke to me
Monday, May 21, 2007
Oh yeah, forgot to mention in my last post that I've injured myself in both a spectacular and incredibly stupid way. My right hand is currently wrapped in tubigrip and kept level by a sling as I managed to give myself the mother of all subdermal hematoma's and also probably bruised the bones in the back of my hand. How'd he do that you ask. Labels: Life
I was trying to kill a fly....
Seriously, I was trying to kill the most hardcore fly on the planet which had already survived two large doses of flyspray and being hit with magazines so I decided to use my hand. Real bad idea :|. I smashed my hand with vicious force into the glass top on my laundry basket instead. Then I spent 15 minutes rolling around on my bed in agony clutching my hand.
I'm special ;P.
posted by snowlight on 10:27
0 people spoke to me
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Ghfllaaaaaagh.....
Sorry, wee bit stressed at the moment due to a chronic lack of sleep, no drugs and the annoyance of trying to complete an incredibly confusing application form for a job in Sheffield.
I was going to email it in as the closing date is tomorrow but I found to my horror when I rang to get the relevant email address that their email systems are deader than a baby in an industrial blender. Luckily they seem to be very understanding and have told me to just mail it 1st class and it will still be included. But thenh that brings us on to the next problem, the application form demands that you give a point by point answer to the nonexistent 'Person Specification' that is supposed to be on the Sheffield City Council website. Harbls :(. So I won't be able to get it sent off until I've rung them again tomorrow and asked what the spoon the 'Person Specifications' are anyway.
And trying to fill these things in when running on 8 hours of sleep since monday is less than easy or fun.
I hope it all turns out right.... In the meantime I might well go and gibber quietly in a corner until I collapse out of sheer exhaustion and sink into what will inevitably be an unsatisfactory 1 - 2 hours of sleep. On the plus side I go for my final meeting with the psychiatrist tomorrow, maybe he'll be able to give me something to help me sleep. I gently caressing hope so.
posted by snowlight on 22:47
0 people spoke to me
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Hmmm....
So I'm a wee bit sozzled, this is to be expected considering I've just had to spend a few hours in the company of The Clippy (remember kids, always capitalise). Anyway, after having to suffer through hours of her inanae babble which I'm quite obviously not interested in she decides to trot out the ol' "We used to get along so well when you were younger" line. Well, obviously we did. I was a bedamned stupid child who was left in your tender clutches to be raised and taught by a father who was almost never around due to his job.
Ooooh, bitter.
Anyway I think I may have figured out exactly where I received my amazing inability to read people and their emotional states. Ya guessed it, twas The Clippy that helped to ingrain this into my precious brain. I know this because I'm all too horribly aware that she has absolutely no idea how I feel about her. Following almost semi-scientific principles I have three conclusions that may illuminate this situation. To whit, either a) my mask (I've referred to this before) is fucking amazing and can convince anyone except those who know me best (that'd be you my friends, family don't seem to have a clue) that I truly do give a shit about her b) she is so deluded that she refuses consciously or subconsciously to recognise the feelings displayed on my face and through my body language or c) she has absolutely no ability to recognise or comprehend exactly how I am feeling unless I spell it out in simple words with excessive swearing and the use of shouting.
Somehow you'd think this would make me sad. At least you would if you thought of my relationship with my family as something approaching normal ;P. Nonetheless this revelation (maybe not so much revelation and more of a realisation) made me giggle like a small child which added to her confusion. And then I decided to enhance the moment by skulling 3 hefty doubles of rum and coke in addition to the 4 pints I'd already had. Ho ho ho.
In other comedy news, she has been so gracious as to tell me that I can feel free whenver I come back from Sheffield to bring my other (whoever that may be, if in fact they do exist) and be able to make sweet love to them in her house. But then I might be extrapolating a little bit there 0:). On the other hand this could be an incredibly amusing opportunity to carelessly toy with her brains (turnabout is fair play as I've been told so often in my life).... Damn, I don't usually get the option to screw with my family so freely and readily given.
You may regard me as a horrible shit, but hey, at least I am a perfect mirror of my surname, yes? Or would be if I had a comedy hyphen inserted appropriately in there.
Tonight apart rom get drunk on Clippy's dime I have done nothing, apart from pack most of my CD collection into my small case. This is a good thing believe it or not, it does mean after all that I can stuff even more tat and tosh into the bigger case. This will inevitably reduce the amount I have to move at the end of June and make it easier to get settled and organised when I do move. Huzzah fuckers :D.
Lauren contacted me tonight, which didn't bother me at all to be honest. I gave her all my attention and love for a few months and didn't receive anything in return (and I am referring to emotional connection not filthy sex, which I didn't get either) but still for some reason I feel bad for her. Think of me but female, a bit chubby and lazier. That would be Lauren. I'm too nice because I've decided to meet her one last time before I leave for Sheffield, am I honestly doing wrong by continuing to associate with her?
I'm not sure, I'd kinda hoped that (despite me being broken) the fact I'm moving would have encouraged her to escape North Wales. *shrugs* I've a soft spot for all the poor goths stuck in this terrible place, call me sentimental. Eh, one thing at a time I guess.
Hehehe...
I sure do talk a lot of bollocks :). Good night my friends, I hope you all sleep awesomely and have good days tomorrow *hugs*.
Take the time to learn to hate..... or love perhaps :)
posted by snowlight on 23:19
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Sooo.... I had the insomnia again on Sunday night and because I wasn't able to work due to sheer exhaustion I managed to sleep all through yesterday and subsequently only had an hour and a half of sleep last night. I'm getting more than a bit peeved by this random buggering up of my sleep patterns :|. Luckily the insane Japanese noise rock of Melt Banana and three large cups of disgustingly strong fine coffee are having the desired effect of keeping me upright and functional today although the mania and coffee induced craziness seems to be encroaching into my pristine brainmeats (you may laugh at that last statement). Labels: Life
I've tried to think as to why my circadian rhythms have been all over the place recently and I'm still drawing a complete blank. I'm fairly sure it isn't any underlying anxiety about moving to Sheffield in 7 weeks which leaves me at a loss to explain it. Bah.
Speaking of which, I've been procrastinating more than a little bit on the whole organising and applying for jobs front. I still haven't rewritten my CV (I hope to do that tonight) and I really ought to register on the Reed website and start hunting. That is something I'll have to get done this evening, I'm not looking forward to it as it has been an incredibly long time since I had to write a CV and I'm not really sure where and how to start, apart from at the top obviously :P.
On to the weekend, which was amusing and interesting again. I went out on Friday night to Speakers which was amazingly quiet, but that was okay. Ended up drinking some very nice russian, polish and czech lager while listening to a fairly good indie band. Sometimes quietness is good :). I ended up getting overly enamoured with the rather gorgeous artwork created by a graffiti artist called Dime1. With this in mind I ended up randomly (or not) spending £95 on a very sexy painting of a tigers eye. Mmmm, more sexy sexy artwork :).
Saturday during the day I went out and had my Cthuhlu (:E) print mounted into a wonderfully baroque wooden frame. Hee :), it now looks extra creepy and in fact almost perfect to set up a little shrine around it when I move. Just for freakout purposes of course, of course I wouldn't really want to summon one of the dread elder beings who cannot be gazed upon without driving a man insane ;). No, not the nice and innocent I 0:).
Saturday evening me and Andy went out to Speakers for the open mic night which consisted of two acoustic artists and The Racketears. It was good fun and there was some comedy happenings with probably the most Emo man in North Wales providing us with amusement. I probably shouldn't laugh but really how pitiful and stereotypically Emo do you have to be to suddenly flounce away from a quiet friendly conversation with a lass to go and crouch in a shop front holding your head before lying down on the floor until the police come along to poke you and ask you what the fuck you are doing. Bless.
On Sunday I did absolutely nothing apart from haunt AllUC and watch strange documentaries.
Now I'm off to do some work and then go and have a chat with Ricks mum about me leaving. That'll be fun ;P.
*hugs* for you all especially Andy and Dora :). Hope you have a good day.
posted by snowlight on 09:54
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Friday, May 11, 2007
Yarble!
Today I've received my nice new debit card and PIN number for my new rent paying account. Now I'm just waiting for the chequebook so that I can send the necessary cheques off to the landlady and finalise the tenancy agreement. Woo and yay :).
This weekend I've got some organising and purchasing to do. First off I'm going to get a nice frame for my scary Cthulhu print, look at cutlery and crockery, buy a new box folder and start sorting through all my paperwork and decide what I should take with me to Sheffield and what I should leave here. Guess I should also start sorting through my CDs, DVDs, PC & PS2 Games and books to see what else I will take with me. Going to be organised you see (for once he hears them mutter) ;).
Might pop to speakers corner later tonight and see what is happening there, in the meantime I'm going to bounce around the workshop to some Dropkick Murphys, its good to be me :).
posted by snowlight on 15:18
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Thursday, May 10, 2007
I was home from work today, woo. Well not really all that woo to be honest. I'm having on off insomnia, sleeping and sleep deprivation issues at the moment. Up until last night I'd only managed to get about 6 hours sleep since monday anhd then topped that off with being awake until 9 in the morning. Bargh.
So I've slept all through the day and seem to be nice and rested now.
Managed to finish setting up that PC for clippy. This experience has only confirmed that Vista is a horrible resource hog, slow as a sloth and frankly not much of an improvement over XP unless you count flashy graphical effects in the UI. Annoyingly any of the games that come out from this autumn will I'd guess be based on DirectX 10 technology which of course only works with Windows Vista. Do ya see what they did there :(. Bad enough that I'll have to buy a new graphics card to play DX10 games but I'll have to shell out for the Ultimate version of Vista. Arse.
Dug through the last box o' crap that I've got in my room and managed to find all my certifications and documents for job applications. Unfortunately the only copy of my CV tht I have is 6 years old which means I'll have to try and get a copy of the most recent one from work. That is going to be fun :|.
Now I'm off to play some C&C 3 and relax before making sure I get a good nights sleep. Hope you all had a good day *hugs* :).
posted by snowlight on 22:16
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Monday, May 07, 2007
700th post and because of this you shall all know: Labels: Life
I have a heart of... ;P
posted by snowlight on 22:16
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Ahoowah. Labels: Awesome, Friends, Life
As the merkin marines would have it at least. This weekend has been constructed of awesome and fun. Me and Andy went off to Manchester to enjoy ourselves with metal and also spend silly money on spangly metal and rock things at Afflecks Palace. I've added another 2 BCRs to my collection of piercings and Andy went with a single BCR. In between that fun we wandered around and looked at awesome things and spent money :). Both of us are now addicted to the idea of New Rock boots and have vowed to buy some.
It has all been good even though we weren't able to go dancing at Jilly's and had to go to one of the local rock pubs for the night instead. Ze things, they happen :).
Today I have slept and sorted some of my stuffage out while getting high on my supply, j0. Tomorrow it is back to work which ain't too bad. I've discussed with the boss my leaving in june/july and he has been horribly generous and told me that if I need to go for an interview I will be told to fuck off and go see them. Which in all honesty was rather surprising as usually I don't expect my bosses to be so nice and accomadating. I r still puzzled and looking for ulterior motives because I'm paranoid and suspicious :P.
Anyhows, I'm listening to stupid amounts of the Dropkicks and am about to go and smoke some and then chill. Fuck y'all, I loves ya all muchly ya'know *hugs* :D.
posted by snowlight on 22:00
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A quick and nasty redesign because I'm getting bored with the old design. Once again a picture of me. Yay.
Info:
Name: Owen
Alias: sp4f, snowlight
Age: 25
Location: Sheffield!
Occupation: I do things
Orientation: Bi
Traits: Cynical, sarcastic, warm, compassionate, mental
Likes: Friends, books, drinking, smoking, skiing, music, films, snow
Dislikes: Most people
Drinks: Tea, beer, red wine, pepsi, bourbon, coffee
Contact: sp4f AT hotmail.com or thesp4f AT gmail.com
Other Blogs & Fings:
Twisted Reality
Angelica
Paz
Random Meanderings
The LJ
My Last.fm
Intertron:
Scary Go Round
Questionable Content
Something Positive
Dr McNinja
xkcd
B3ta
TTLG
The Register
Lantern
Outroads
Client
The Racketears
Skunkfish
Street Pianos
Hear Me Now:
FDE Productions 2006
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